Sunday, 18 September 2016

Autism: Body Autonomy for girls and women






This is an important subject.  I'm seeing a lot of autism colleagues start to talk about it.  We need to talk more about it.


You see, if you are disabled, somehow you lose some of the right to decide who does what with your body.

Friends who are wheelchair users say that fairly often, people will push their chair for them, without permission.  They will also pat them on the head.  Carers may turn up and treat them as a job, not a person.  Dignity, gone.  Personal space, gone.  Freedom of choice, gone.  Rough handling, hardly a cheery word.  An assumption that they all have a low IQ and no speech.



The same is true for a good few autistic people.  Some of the therapies are designed to take all control of our bodies away from us. 
Want to move your hands so that you can sense where they are, in relation to things?  No.
Want to move round the room so you can find out its boundaries in the sensory 'fog' around you?  No.

Want to choose where to look, so you are not overwhelmed by social input?  No, you can look into someone's eyes or be punished if you don't.
Want to decide to wear clothing that isn't searingly painful on the skin?  No.
Want to express the same degree of anger as a non-autistic person?  You can't.  It's deemed 'challenging behaviour' if you're autistic, and you may be wrestled to the ground or have your arms pinned painfully.  You may be force-hugged or have your arms grabbed.  no matter how much it hurts.
People come up to you and think it's OK to move your body to where they want it, without permission.  To do things to you, without permission.   You're not allowed to say no, because you're autistic, you see.


And that constant training that we're not allowed to say no...it's soul-destroying.   It's dehumanising.   It's a total lack of body autonomy.  A total lack of respect for us as human beings of equal worth to others.
We know the statistics for how many autistic women go on to be sexually assaulted or raped.  The figures are horrifying.

It's equally important that boys are taught safe boundaries for themselves, of course.

Some autistic people are very clear on their boundaries, and very assertive.



Others need people to be aware of vulnerabilities.


So, what I teach is a simple list of things to check, in any non-emergency situation:


"Do I, as a non-autistic person, have the right to tell you, as an autistic person, what to do with your body? Or to make physical contact with you to make you do something?
Where is the power in this relationship?  Am I about to misuse my authority over you?  Am I stronger than you, faster, bigger, in a position of power over you, able to use words to win any argument with you?
Is my decision fair?
Did I explain it to you?
Did I give you a chance to explain your own reasons to me?  Either in words, or in the other communication methods you use?
Did I listen with respect, to your words or your other communication methods?
Did we agree between us a way forward, rather than me impose one on you?
Am I using any physical contact with you in a consensual way?
Am I being respectful of your body, your ability to say no at any stage?

Would I do this thing to a non-autistic person?  So what gives me the right to impose it on you?"




There is nothing better, for some of us, sometimes, than a cheery hug agreed between loving family or friends.  Let us decide if this is something we want.  Don't impose it.


It's good sometimes for some of us to allow a genuine, consensual demonstration of something... by guiding our hand to learn a new skill of art or music etc - done safely and properly.  Yes, a therapist is checked and qualified to know what's appropriate and safe to achieve a task.  That's not the issue.  The issue is having it done to us without consent.

There is nothing lonelier than being the only one not hugged, because others are too afraid to go near us.  This is an important point.  Good safeguarding is nothing at all to do with everyone being too afraid to go near one another, under any circumstances.  That becomes the opposite sort of safeguarding problem, where people die of loneliness and the lack of kind human experience.  People who are isolated and lonely live far fewer years, on average.   The 'middle ground' is what we are looking for here.

But...there is nothing scarier than someone arriving into our personal space, without consent...., and doing weird things to us also without consent...then making out that they are a personal saviour of all autistic-kind for their Generous Contribution.  Knickers to that.  To use a phrase. 


We are not your ticket to heaven or a way to get an Honour for your Saintly Behaviour towards us.  We're people.  We may communicate differently and have different needs, but we are not 'less' than you.

Autistic young people need to know that they are able to say no.  That their body belongs to them, not to other people.  And that others are watchful for those who have little regard for these realities.





Teach your young people when it's OK to say no.  Demonstrate respectful boundaries and safe cheery human relationships.  Learn about how we demonstrate those relationships ourselves; we use a different communication system to that of other people.  Ours is not a broken version of yours; ours is genuinely different.


In autistic groups, we don't use eye contact, because we are respecting one another.
We don't face one another to talk, because we are respecting one another.
We don't often move one another's possessions, but play respectfully with our own, alongside others.
We don't overload the other autistic person with 'small talk', because we know that it will overheat their brain wiring.
We don't usually need to say 'I love you' in words, because we demonstrate it with respectful behaviour and wanting to be with someone.  Ours tends to be a non-verbal system.



It's unfortunate that all of this got mistaken for, 'Poor dears don't understand human relationships'.
To us, your non-autistic way of communicating is often rude and disrespectful of us.




Challenge people who do not respect our boundaries
Challenge people who use negative and belittling terms for us.


Thank you for learning about us and honouring us in that.
We're lovely people, most of us.  I am honoured to know so many very kind, thoughtful, empathetic, generous and caring autistic friends and colleagues.
What I want is a safer world for our own children.  They need to grow up knowing that it is OK to say...


No.








Friday, 16 September 2016

Autism Safeguarding - Important Checklist

Watch out for these 'red flags', please.

If you are uncomfortable about the way an autistic person is being treated or handled, you should of course use your normal safeguarding process and ask for good advice from the right people.  These notes are not an attempt to override these.

They are a way of helping people to think clearly.

Autistic people often have great difficulties with being touched unexpectedly.  It causes intense pain for a number of us. 

Some - a few - people are abusers who rely on getting good access to a good number of autistic people who cannot talk, and who also have a learning disability.  Such individuals are a 'perfect victim'.  Very often trained using methods that teach them they have absolutely no body autonomy.   In other words, no right to say no to people touching them.  Anyone can do almost anything to them in the name of 'therapy' and it's always OK.  Allegedly. They don't get to say no.   

If you are unable to speak, not confident about communicating in other ways...and taught that others can do almost anything they like with your body...well....

And abusive people rarely go straight for a major event.  They spend a long time getting the person to feel more and more comfortable with touch.  More and more comfortable with the person getting closer and closer, and using more and more personal ways of doing so.  Repeat 'grooming'. Often in front of others, to say, "no, this is OK - look, no-one's worried by this'.  Sitting on laps, huggy stuff, pulling the person about without consent.

What happens if someone raises a concern?  An abuser has a standard checklist of things they use to keep suspicion away from themselves.

1)  "I am obviously an expert because I've been doing this forever".  Immediately putting the other person in doubt of whether in fact they have just misunderstood what real expertise looks like.
2) "Autistic people need this kind of touch".  Do they?  It's always OK to ask a respectable autism charity such as National Autistic Society, or safeguarding experts.  No-one genuine will try to stop you doing so.
3) A claim that autistic people who can speak are not 'real autistic people'.  Once you have convinced the onlookers that other autistic people are liars about their autism, whatever concerns they raise can be safely ignored.
4) A claim that autistic people who can speak are manipulative, and out to cause trouble for people.  Again, a way to ensure that whatever concerns they raise are ignored.  Autism means we cannot manipulate in devious ways.  It's outside of our range of abilities.  Our behaviour can be misunderstood sometimes by others, but that's not 'manipulation.
5) A claim that autistic people who can speak are incompetent.  Not real experts.   This is another way to ensure that concerns are ignored.  In fact, we're the main experts in autism.  Autistic professionals are the ones who teach the non-autistic experts about autism.
6) The 'Famous Person Gambit'.  'Look how famous I am.  Here's pictures of me with the great and good - really powerful people who could make your life hell.  Here are my medals and awards.  I must be OK.  Look at my amazing giving-away-of-money  in ways which brings me into touching-contact with lots of vulnerable people'.
7) The 'teaching of the new technique' to others.  Best way to hide an inappropriate behaviour is to make yourself the self appointed 'expert', and teach it to others.  Then, you can say, "Oh but we all use this method".
8) Claiming that autistic people don't know fact from fiction.  "Poor dears, they get confused".  We're some of the best witnesses on the planet.  It's another way of keeping people away from realities.
9) "I have an autistic relative, therefore of course I am safe".  There is no evidence that having an autistic relative stops an actual predator.  At all.
10) "But they enjoy it!".  If you have never known anything different to people handling your body without your consent, you think it's normal.  Quite often, inappropriate things are done to autistic people right in front of an audience, in very sneaky ways.  In front of an audience who will clap and approve, thinking this is 'ok' as 'therapy'.  Is it?  Think.  When an autistic person hears everyone else clapping with approval, what does that say to them about what's OK?
11) Abusive language about autistic people.  "People like that..." "They have no understanding of manners" "They are a tragedy".  That kind of thinking says, "These aren't really humans".

Use it as a checklist. 

If you have any concerns, after using it, ask for help from your safeguarding specialists.

Remember the Jimmy Savile case.  He was famous and did lots of Good Work.  And look what happened.  Think about all the other very famous people who got away with it, because they were very famous.  Very skilled at particular things.  Very clever at what they did, and how.

Yes, it's very embarrassing and awful to be duped by predators.  But it's what they do.  And it's very human to believe them.

There are of course a large number of excellent, respectful people working with autistic individuals.
Look for people who work consensually with the person, at their own pace.  In safe settings.  With good training.  In open ways.  Ways that are always open to query and question.  Ways that match with safeguarding principles.  People who have had safeguarding training and good DBS checks to a high level.  Those won't stop the really cunning predators, but it's a start.

It is certainly true that consensual safe touch can be useful for some people in some circumstances as part of some therapies. As part of a proper, thoughtful, process with a measured outcome.

It is also true that many autistic people find unseen sudden touch or hugging intensely painful and frightening.  As an example, it's not OK for anyone to be pressing up against the back of us as part of a 'therapy' unless they are medically/[professionally qualified and there is a really good reason for it.

You should always, always be in full view of the autistic person unless this is a total emergency.  Never suddenly approaching them from behind to grab them. Especially not if you are a big bloke and this is a young girl.

Is there a chance to say or indicate a 'no'?  Or is something happening so fast that the person has no control over it?   You should make it really clear that it is fine to say no.  You should always respect no, unless it is an emergency and our safety is at risk.

These are basics.

Think.  Think really carefully.  

Even if someone is not knowingly working in unsafe ways, it's not OK. Autistic people are not aliens from another planet and for whom totally different rules of contact apply. We're people.  We deserve the same respect as you would give any other person of the same age. 
 
Don't let others work in unsafe ways, because they think it's OK and they are famous.  Be especially wary if they are telling you to ignore safeguarding concerns from others.

It's not OK.

Autistic people need body autonomy.  We need to be able to say No. No is a full answer.

Thursday, 15 September 2016

What is Autism? It's probably none of the things you think it is.

My work as an autism professional takes me to a lot of places.  I get to see a lot of excellent practice and a lot of excellent people, working respectfully alongside autistic individuals.

I also get to see and hear some things from Ancient Times.

I know I've stumbled into a scene from the 1950s when I enter an event and the extremely well spoken, well presented non-autistic leader is calling autism a 'disaster' or words to that effect.   I know it's worse than that when they bring to the front a number of individuals who have profound learning disabilities, profound speech and language difficulties, extreme difficulty staying in their seat for even a few seconds....and then call that 'profound autism'.

Those are three separate conditions that are not autism.

Let us look at the diagnostic manual, so that you can see what autism is for yourself.  Because the people-from-the-1950s-thinking will tell you that this is nonsense. I will also translate it from 'technical' to how autistic people tend to describe each thing.

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html  This is the most modern autism list.  It's from DSM 5.   In the UK, our equivalent diagnostic list, the ICD, is being updated.  Many diagnostic professionals are using the DSM 5 one at present, because it is the modern understanding of autism.

A) Social communication differences.  We can 'read' other autistic people.  We cannot naturally 'read' non-autistic people.  This leads to amazing misunderstandings.

B) Fascination with things, love of learning about our specialist interests, passionate hobbies that develop into intense specialism.

C) Desperate need to be able to predict sensory and social 'load' on brain wiring. Our brain is designed differently from birth. It is built for detail, not handling shopping centres or parties. That stuff literally causes electrical overheating. The sensory processing is different. Look up National Autistic Society's TMI film. Two minutes long. That's typical of shopping centre experiences.  Exhausting, baffling stuff for us. Not naughtiness.

Are you still looking for the bits which say 'delayed speech', or 'low IQ'? What about the bits that say 'can't sit still without getting up and racing round the room'. Or, 'is violent and manipulative'?  Any sign of 'lacks empathy?' Get on that link and look.   Yes. Nothing.

Watch out for mistaking autism for other things. It really is not those things. It is not a disaster, and we are not 'locked in our own world'. Watch out for people telling you that also.

Thank you for listening




Sunday, 11 September 2016

Autism: Wholly inaccurate data on sexual behaviour.

Almost no good research has been done into autism and sexual behaviour.


The existing research typically involves looking at
Young men...
with a low IQ...
in institutions...
...or really small groups where the data is meaningless.


And the data is often acquired by asking their parents or carers about their sexual interests.  Not the people themselves, of course.  That would be too obvious.  Naturally, all the parents and carers would know everything about a person's preferences, wouldn't they...or would they?  Did your parents know everything about you?  Do they now, if they are still alive?


Yes, I used bold for a bit of that, because it's pretty shocking.  It is, isn't it.


There is no good data on people over the age of 39
There is no good data on females. 
There is no good data on the vast majority who have an IQ in the normal or higher range.


I'm not making this up.


I've spent six hours, as a professional, reviewing the modern data we have, and that, frankly, is the best of it.


What it did reveal is something far more interesting.
Just one example:  In the general non-autistic population, some 60% of males would like to be a voyeur, and 50% actually have.  Just under 10% have a serious problem with this behaviour, in fact.  I bet you didn't know that. You do now.


In the autistic population, the figure is much smaller.  In the biggest study, only 13% were involved with voyeurism, not 50%.
In fact, in the autistic populations, the modern figures for 'problematic sexual behaviour' are lower than all the figures for the non-autistic populations


I, for one, am rather unimpressed with a small number of non-autistic professionals.  The few who assert that autistic people are more likely to be 'perverts' or sexual criminals.  We are, by the look of it,  less likely to be so, compared to anyone else in the neighbourhood.  Not a jot of sexual crime from females on the autism spectrum, as far as 150 research papers (and counting...) reveal thus far.


We don't have usable modern data at the moment for the vast majority of autistic people.  Those with a higher IQ than 70.  Those who are female or with a different gender identity.  Those who are older than 39.  Nothing.  We know nothing about those massive groups.  Do we think that Mrs Bloggins, aged 67, is likely to be shinning up a ladder and peering in through the windows of her next door neighbour's bedroom before heading off for the office?  What of Mrs Puddlemore; is she at age 50 leaping about the streets in a rude display of sexualised behaviour before going to Mother's Union?  I hardly think so. 


The notion that all autistic people are young men with a low IQ and alarming behaviours really has to stop.  Only some 1.6% of the two million autistic people in the UK are in care home settings. You did know there's two million autistic people in the UK, yes?  1 in 30.  USA national statistics, which one may assume also apply here.  No it's not 1 in 45 there.  Have another look.  They haven't found the rest of the girls yet.

I'd suggest that almost 100% of our data thus far is based on that 1.6% in institutional settings, in the past..







So, my friends, if someone is trying to generalise about 'all autistic people' being more likely to do X, please give them a very hard stare.  This is already a vulnerable population.  We are already heavily targeted for violence, bullying and sexual abuse.  The last thing we need is the population thinking we're more likely to be sexual perverts or predators.   That would be highly irresponsible, I would say, as well as inaccurate.  What a way to ensure exclusion and targeting.


Arguably, statistically, we'd do better to have autistic people teaching non-autistic ones how to behave, on sexual matters.  Because the sexual behaviour of that big group of the general population is, statistically, pretty shocking.  In fact, I might make myself a cup of extra strong tea...




Thank you.

Thursday, 8 September 2016

Autism and Lighting in Buildings



The photo above shows a prison hallway.  Could be any prison, anywhere.  This is how I see it, as someone who is autistic, with visual processing difficulties when anxious.

It doesn't show the intense flickering effect, like a strobe light.   That's fluorescent lighting.  It's nearly everywhere.
It's in schools, hospitals, surgeries, colleges, workplaces, faith centre halls, DWP centres.   Almost any time we are asked to go into a large building, we're faced with this, people like me.

It makes me feel nauseous.  It's disorientating.  Sooner or later, I lose the ability to speak.  I'm desperate to get away from that lighting and its effects.  This is without any other sensory difficulties such as odour, echoing noise, etc.  Some on the autism spectrum will enter a kind of 'epileptic event' if under flickering lighting for too long.  It will look like a temper tantrum, but it isn't.  It's not under the person's control.

Sometimes, the places we need to be the most calming, the least likely to cause difficulties...those are the ones that are the hardest to endure. The most likely to result in people trying to escape, or not understanding instructions.  Appearing to be unco-operative.  Appearing to be disrespectful.  Appearing to be 'kicking off' for no reason.


So easy to sort out.   Fluorescent lighting can be replaced, like-for-like, with LED lighting.  As long as that's not on a dimmer switch, there's rarely any flickering.  Then, use of sunglasses, tinted prescription glasses or baseball caps etc can cut down glare.  That's one less thing to cause difficulties.   LED lighting is cost effective to run, too.

Try to hold important meetings with people in a space with natural daylight.  North facing rooms have the best light quality for this, away from direct intense sunlight.  Somewhere as quiet as possible.  Away from really strong smells, too, where you can.  Think about your own smell; have you doused yourself in aftershave?

Remember when meeting autistic people to give good advance info about what the meeting is about.
Keep to time, or let the person know there is a delay and give a new timing.
Give an end time, so they know how much conversation to prepare for.  Keep to this too.
Don't do eye contact with us. It's respectful of our needs to let us choose where to look, as eye contact is physically painful for us.
Don't read body language; ours doesn't work, so you'll just end up confused or misled.
Give time for answers.  Maybe review answers later on.  Answers in a stressful moment may be 'automated answers', not actual answers. Not lies, just desperation to get away from the scary questions.

People working in buildings with low echoing and better lighting all benefit.  Not just the probably-one-in-30-people on the autism spectrum, who may have sensory/light sensitivity/pain difficulties.

Find out more from a good autistic buildings access person.  Autism Oxford UK provide this kind of service, for example.

(PS...when you saw the picture of the prison, at the top, what was your thought about who is autistic?  The prisoner?  Autism is nothing to do with a greater tendency to criminal behaviour.  Most autistic people are extremely law abiding.  Most people in prisons are not prisoners.  They are guards, admin people, physiotherapists, Chaplains, contractors, visitors, medics.  Anyone, anyone at all, could be autistic.   1 in 30* of anyone at all.)

*Yes, the official statistic is 1 in 100.  That's a very old statistic, based on figures before we understood autism often presents very differently in women and in many of those with a 'normal IQ'.


Tuesday, 30 August 2016

Autism, Women, and how it's often different


Autism in Women




Autism in females is often nothing like autism in males. This is a generalisation. There will always be exceptions.
But it generally really is nothing like it.
Think of a stereotype of autism; the geeky anorak bloke with really awkward body language, a tendency to rock, flap or make a strange noise from time to time. totally abrupt manners, a fascination with train timetables, no eye contact, a loner with hardly any friends who hates physical contact. This is indeed a stereotype. Most of the men I know are nothing like that either.

But it's exactly what many people look for in a woman to work out if she is autistic.
They'll never spot us that way.



Autistic women are often the most amazing 'actors', at massive personal cost to us. Because of fear of exclusion and bullying. Because of a desperation to fit in, at all costs.
We can often handle 'being normal in appearance and manner' because we made people our specialist subject. We studied and studied, learned and learned, practised and practised...for days, weeks, months, years....including practising how to do eye contact, hugs with friends, etc. Even if it hurts us sometimes/always.
And we got so good at mimicking 'normal women' (whatever those are....but you know what I mean...) that we can pass for 'normal'. Even in front of friends. Even in front of friends who have known us for years. Yes, even in front of friends who have known us for years and spend weeks with us. How?


We hope no-one notices our need for detail. We maybe hope no-one notices our need to have a drink, perhaps, to steady our sensory system in public social events.
We hope no-one notices us leaving regularly to recover, saying it's to 'go for a walk' or 'go to the toilet' or whatever else.
We hope no-one notices us arriving late and leaving early at social events.
We hope we don't stim (rocking, flapping hands, etc) or say something stupid, so we learn stock phrases that will get us out of trouble a lot of the time, and learn to keep our hands still. Even if that means we cannot locate our body in 3-D space as a result.
We practise not talking about our favourite subjects for hours.
We have intense interests that seem really 'normal', e.g. celebrities, ponies etc - and hope no-one notices that we are utterly obsessed with rules, data, lining the stuff up, collecting one of each colour...
But the strain on us from covering up 100% of our autism is so intense that it leaks out in other ways.
We may end up with extreme anxiety or depression from the strain.
We may end up with high blood pressure and other health-related issues.
We may end up with anorexia or eating disorders.
We may end up self-harming as a desperate way of coping.
We may end up utterly alone, unable to make a single really good friendship - or only have one proper friend in the world. And if we do have that one proper friend, we study their every social skill, so we can adapt ours to be even better.
But it's all an act. A desperate one. An act we often have to keep going at all costs, or lose even that one good friend.
We can't see body language, or eye contact, or face expression.
We can't cope with the social 'overload' in crowds.
We can't handle the sensory overload in busy, noisy places under intense lighting.
Our brains are autism-design, not standard-design. And what we learn to do is live a life of pretending they are not, at massive exhaustion and massive personal cost.
So many of us are told, "There's no way you are autistic", and are denied a diagnosis. So we just think we're substandard instead.
The moment we 'come out' as autistic, few can believe we are. "But you're nothing like an autistic person!" "How could you possibly lie to us for all those years!" etc etc.

Hundreds of thousands of us in the UK have had to hide, or have no diagnosis and maybe no clue that they even are autistic. Living in a world that is obsessed with social grace and women being a certain way, we truly may be worried sick about anyone knowing otherwise about our inner reality - our actual lived experience of the world around us.

There's new research suggesting that many, perhaps most, autistic women are also part of the LGBTQ community. The pressure on us to also be straight, also be very female (even if that is not how we identify). Layer after layer of pressure to be something we are not.
All a generalisation, of course.
But....no, you won't know who of your female friends is autistic. Other autistic people often do. We can often spot each other a proverbial mile off. Only a proper diagnostic professional can give a proper diagnosis, of course. Some of us merely train those diagnostic professionals in the first place...
It's not a crime, being autistic. It's a brain design.
If a female friend has a diagnosis, it doesn't mean there's something 'wrong' with them. It means they have to balance their social and sensory input really carefully...and ask good questions about how you are, rather than reading your body language. It means they don't intend to be clumsy with wording, or plan to have to rush home early if exhausted. It's not an insult or rudeness.
All that pretending to be normal? That was because they wanted to be with you and wanted to impress you and be a good friend to you. It wasn't a lie to hurt you. Society expects us to be 'normal' no matter what the cost to us. Many of us are questioning that.
So, we are not trying to be rude to you by being autistic. Never doubt it.
Say it's OK for us to be us, and mean it. Then we know that you're a friend.



Autism and Females: "You can't be autistic because..."



Very good to see so many colleagues talking on media today about autism and females.
The difficulties getting a diagnosis, in particular.


"You can't be autistic because...."


Most of us with a later diagnosis will have heard so many variations on this.
"You can't be autistic because you're female."  But half of those on the autism spectrum are indeed female.  So many miss out on diagnosis because of the myths.


"You can't be autistic because you have friends".  Autistic people have difficulty befriending non-autistic people, and vice-versa.  We do not have the same difficulties befriending autistic people. 


"You can't be autistic because you dress well and wear makeup".  Goodness me, there's nothing in the diagnostic list to suggest we have to look a certain way.  Sensory needs, routine needs and difficulties with co-ordination might impact on how we are able to dress.  But we are all different.


"You can't be autistic because you are married".   Quite a few of us are married to autistic people, and it can work wonderfully well.  It can also work with a relationship with non-autistic people, if both are aware of differences and respectful of those.

"You can't be autistic because you have children".  Another myth.  I know so many fantastic mums.  And dads, of course.  But as this post is about females, I'll say that there is such depth of caring, such passion for getting it right and bringing up wonderful young people.  Our own son, Chris, is now an autism consultant with a degree in Psychology and Counselling.  And is autistic.  Autism was not a barrier to me as a mum.  It was an advantage.



"You can't be autistic because you can make eye contact".  I can pretend to.  Actually looking into eyes is intensely painful.  Literally.  And exhausting.   That we force autistic children to do it, so others feel OK, is quite awful.  We need to stop


"You can't be autistic because you aren't interested in trains"


No, really, I've had this one. Autistic women often have female fascinations and passionate interests.  Not male ones.  It looks different.  It's the depth of that fascination, and the way that we collect and arrange the things, that is the giveaway.  300 books on horses?  150 handbags?  I generalise.  Actually I used to collect toy cars, maps, etc.  I'm saying that collections and intense fascinations just don't have to be about vehicles or stamps.  Honest they don't.


Endless myths.


I am so honoured to know so many wonderful autistic women.  As friends, as colleagues. 
The quiet ones.
The loving ones.
The caring ones
The determined ones.
The passionate ones.
The creative ones.

Each made in excellent and unique ways.

Each with their own accounts of the exhaustion of trying to get a diagnosis.  Of trying to get basic support for sensory, social and routine-based needs that go with autism.  And of repeatedly being ignored, because we are 'too good' at appearing non-autistic.


What is it with the myth that one can see autism just by looking?


Are we supposed to dress as the international autism symbol each day?  Sort of a joke.  But sort of not. "You don't look autistic" just means, "I don't feel uncomfortable around you".  That's not a diagnostic criteria.  That's the other person's individual reaction to the word autism.  The difficulty is that those of us who 'don't look autistic' get no support.  It's as bizarre as going up to someone who is Blind and saying, "Well you don't look blind", and so refusing to help them.

We are indeed all people, all loved.  And we deserve a life that is not one long fight for basic needs and basic understanding.